You’ve been meaning to speak up at work. You know what you want to say, but when the meeting comes around, you let it pass. Later, on the way home, you think of three ways you could have said it.
Many people come to counselling because there’s something they want to do differently. You might want to set clearer boundaries, feel more confident making decisions or stop putting off a conversation that matters. Or you might simply want some space to think about what you want next.
In this post, I look at how we can start with one situation, build on what you already do well, and what counselling and coaching can each offer.
Start with one situation from your week
A concern that feels broad often shows up in specific moments. If you say, “I need to be more confident,” I might ask, “When would you most like to feel more confident? What would you be able to do in that moment?”
Say you’d like to say no when you’re asked to take on extra work. We could look at what happens when someone asks:
Do you feel you need to answer straight away?
Are you worried about disappointing them?
Would it help to have a sentence ready?
For example: “I’ll check what I’ve already committed to and get back to you tomorrow.”
That gives us something specific to work with. We can practise saying it together and see whether it sounds like something you’d actually say.
Build on what you already do well
I might ask about a time when something similar went a little better. Maybe you find it easier to raise a concern when you’ve had time to write down what you want to say. Or maybe you’re good at explaining what’s fair when you’re advocating for someone else, and you’d like to bring some of that clarity to speaking up for yourself.
We can use those strengths to build new skills. If you think clearly when you talk things through, you could try talking through a decision before making a plan. If you can see the big picture but get stuck working out where to begin, we could practise turning it into one step you can take this week.
What counselling and coaching can offer
Counselling gives you space to understand what’s making change difficult. You might notice that you say yes because you worry people will think less of you if you say no. We can spend time exploring that worry and how it affects the choices you make.
Coaching helps you turn something you want into a step you can try. You might practise asking for time to think, try it in one conversation during the week, and come back to talk about what happened. We can look at what helped and what you’d like to do differently next time.
You might want time to reflect, a practical way forward, or a bit of both. We can talk through what would be most useful for you.
Finding a place to begin
A question I often find helpful is, “If one part of your week felt a little easier, what would you want it to be?” Your answer might be leaving work without taking another task home, asking for help before you’re exhausted, or making a decision you’ve been putting off. Any of those gives us a place to start. You don’t need to have it figured out before you arrive.
If there’s something you’d like to change, you’re welcome to bring it to a free 15-minute introductory call. We can talk about what you’re looking for and how Looking Up might help.
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