You’ve barely arrived at Christmas lunch when your child asks, “When are we going home?” The music is on, several people are talking at once, and someone they haven’t seen since last Christmas is asking for a hug. You’ve been looking forward to seeing everyone. You can also see your child is already finding it hard to be there.
For some children, including some autistic children and children with disability, a family gathering asks a lot of them at once. Your child can love seeing their cousins and still need somewhere quiet after ten minutes. Planning for that gives them more room to enjoy the parts they came for.
In this post, we look at preparing your child, talking to relatives, making it easy to take a break or leave, and looking after siblings’ plans too.
Let your child know what to expect
Tell your child where you’re going, who they might see and when you plan to leave. Share it in a way that works for them. That could be talking it through, showing them a photo of the house, or using pictures to show what happens first and what comes next.
Ask, “What are you looking forward to?” and “Is there anything you’d like me to help with?” Your child might want to arrive before the house gets busy, bring a food they know they can eat, or keep their headphones nearby. If they use gestures, pictures or a communication device, make sure they can reach it and use it to ask for what they need during the visit.
Give relatives a heads-up
A short conversation beforehand can save you from explaining everything at the door. Try: “We’re looking forward to lunch. We’ll aim to stay for an hour, and we may head off sooner if it gets a bit much.”
If your child prefers not to hug, offer a choice: “Would you like to wave or say hello?” If a relative keeps asking, step in with: “A wave is fine. Let’s give them a bit of room to come in.”
Make it easy to take a break or leave
Work out where your child can go if they need a break. It could be a quieter room, a seat outside or a short walk with you. Agree on a word, gesture or picture they can use to tell you.
If they start covering their ears, moving away or asking repeatedly to go home, offer the break straight away: “Would you like to come outside with me for a bit?”
When they’re ready to go, keep the goodbye simple: “Thanks for having us. We’re going to head off now.” A short visit can be enough for your child to see their cousins, open a present or spend time with someone they’ve been looking forward to seeing.
Make room for siblings’ plans too
If one child needs to leave early, a sibling may be disappointed about missing the backyard game or time with a cousin. If another trusted adult is there, you could arrange in advance for the sibling to stay a little longer.
If everyone needs to leave together, acknowledge what they missed and make a plan you can keep: “I know you wanted more time with your cousins. Let’s see if we can have them over on Friday.”
There’s room to talk about it before you go
At Looking Up, we can help you think through what tends to make gatherings difficult for your child, what might make the day more manageable, and how to talk about it with relatives before you arrive. You don’t need to have it figured out before you arrive.
If you’d like to talk it through, you’re welcome to start with a free 15-minute phone call.
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