Sometimes a difficult experience is over, but it doesn't feel completely over.
A memory may still bring up fear, sadness, anger, shame or tension in your body. Certain places, sounds or conversations can bring it rushing back. Or you may not think about what happened very often, but still notice its effect on your relationships, confidence, emotions or everyday life.
EMDR (eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing) is a psychotherapy approach designed to help people process traumatic experiences and other distressing life events. It was developed by psychologist Francine Shapiro in the late 1980s. Rather than talking about an event over and over, EMDR helps you process the memories, thoughts, beliefs, emotions and physical sensations that still cause distress.
The aim isn't to erase a memory. It's to help the memory become something that happened in the past, rather than something that still feels as though it's happening now.
In this post, we look at how EMDR works, the eight phases of treatment, and what to ask if you're thinking about trying it.
How does EMDR work?
EMDR is based on the idea that very distressing or traumatic experiences may not be processed and stored in the same way as ordinary memories. The memory can stay linked to the thoughts, emotions and body sensations that were there at the time.
You might know, logically, "I'm safe now." But emotionally or physically, part of you may keep responding as though the danger is still here.
In EMDR, you and your therapist work together to understand your experiences, identify the memories that matter and build coping and stabilisation skills. During parts of treatment, the therapist uses bilateral stimulation. This is most often guided side-to-side eye movements, though alternating sounds or tapping can also be used. You stay aware of the present while noticing aspects of the memory. Over time, the memory can feel less intense, and more helpful ways of understanding it become easier to reach.
EMDR is more than eye movements
EMDR is sometimes described as a therapy with eye movements. In fact, it's a structured psychotherapy with eight phases. People don't move through them at the same pace. Some need more time on preparation and stabilisation before any memory processing begins. Treatment is shaped around your history, current circumstances, emotional safety and needs.
The eight phases of EMDR
1. History taking and treatment planning
The therapist gets to know what's brought you to therapy: your history, current concerns and the experiences that may be contributing to what you're facing now. Together you start building a treatment plan, which might include identifying:
• memories that may eventually be processed
• current situations that trigger distress
• negative beliefs that have formed from earlier experiences
• your strengths and existing ways of coping
• areas where you may need extra support or stabilisation
This phase also starts building a trusting relationship with your therapist.
2. Preparation
Before any distressing memory is processed, the therapist explains how EMDR works and answers your questions. You may also learn ways to manage distress and return to the present moment, such as relaxation, grounding and emotional regulation skills.
For some people, this phase is fairly brief. For others, especially people who've experienced repeated or complex trauma, it can take considerably more time. That's not a delay. It's part of making the work safe.
3. Assessment
You and your therapist choose a specific memory to work on. You identify the image that best represents it, the negative belief you hold about yourself in connection with it (for example, "I'm not safe"), and the belief you'd prefer to hold (for example, "I can keep myself safe now"). You also notice the emotions and body sensations that come up.
4. Desensitisation
You focus on the memory while your therapist guides bilateral stimulation in short sets. Between sets, you share what you notice, such as thoughts, feelings, images or sensations, and the therapist guides you from there. This continues until thinking about the memory feels less distressing.
5. Installation
Once the memory feels less distressing, the focus shifts to strengthening the more helpful belief you chose, so it feels more true.
6. Body scan
You check in with your body for any remaining tension or discomfort connected with the memory. If something is still there, it's processed too.
7. Closure
Each session ends with you feeling stable and grounded, whether or not the memory has been fully processed. Your therapist will often help you use coping skills to settle, and may talk with you about what to expect between sessions.
8. Re-evaluation
At the start of the next session, you and your therapist check how things have changed, whether the processed memory still feels settled, and what to work on next.
Is EMDR right for everyone?
No single therapy suits everyone. EMDR needs a careful assessment first, including how stable things are in your life right now, what support you have, and whether you're safe. If you're facing ongoing danger, significant risk of self-harm, or severe distress that stops you functioning, stabilisation and safety may come first. EMDR also needs to be adapted for different ages, cultures, disabilities and communication styles.
Finding the right support
EMDR should be delivered by a suitably qualified mental health professional who's trained in it. When you're looking for support, you could ask:
• What's your training in EMDR?
• What experience do you have with the kind of difficulty I'm facing?
• How will we decide when I'm ready to start processing memories?
• What happens if a session brings up more than I expected?
• How will you adapt the approach to the way I communicate and process things?
A strong therapeutic relationship matters just as much. You should feel heard, respected and safe, and free to go at your own pace.
There's room to talk about where to start
At Looking Up, we can talk about what's been happening for you and what kind of support might help. You don't need to know what kind of therapy you want, or to have it figured out, before you arrive.
If you'd like to talk it through, you're welcome to start with a free 15-minute phone call.
Book a free 15-minute introductory call
If you're struggling to cope right now, Lifeline is available 24 hours a day on 13 11 14. If someone is in immediate danger, call 000.
